I know we all have a girlfriend, (or guy friend) whose S/O will not let them out of their sight. Tells them what to do, where to go, reads their text messages and emails, listens while they are on the phone, and makes sure to be in the room whenever you, or anyone else visits.
I feel so sad for the people who find themselves in these situations. Usually they are already in it very deeply before they realize the person is possessive or abusive, and sometimes they are just too afraid to leave. Often times the abuser has threatened you, as well as your family, and/or friends, with harm, (and you know they’ll DO it, because they have a track record of being violent) so there just seems to be no way out.
The biggest thing to remember is, if you take stand with a guy (or girl) the FIRST time they start acting strange (pushy, insistant, or angry for no reason) CHECK THEM, FIRMLY, and IMMEDIATELY!! They will either back up, and know you don’t play that, or they will move on—which is best for YOU! If you let it slide the first time, they will take it from YOU that you are weak, or EASY TO CONTROL, then it REALLY begins!
They start with “I’m sorry baby, I’m not really like that” — BULLSH!T!!! They ARE like that, and know that talking sweet, and saying that they didn’t mean it, will reel you in. DON’T BE THAT STUPID!!
Don’t let them talk you into getting a cell phone “that you can only use just for them”, (and make you think it is YOUR idea). Don’t accept a major gift early on in the relationship, and for God’s sake, DO NOT GIVE THEM ANY MONEY!!!!! (I mean a 10 or 20 here and there for gas, or because they are a few pennies short for something might be ok), but when they NEVER have any money, can’t ever pay for dinner, a movie, ALWAYS needs a “ride”, or money for “lunch”, child support, their cell bill, car payment, insurance, rent, etc… RUN, don’t walk, to the nearest EXIT!!!
If if gets to the point of physical violence, and you have to call the police, FOLLOW THROUGH!!! Don’t be the idiot who lets them “sweet” talk you into “dropping the charges”, because that just lets them know that they can do whatever they want to you, and you will never do anything about it. They will treat you worse each time after that. Hence the saying – “Do it ONCE, shame on YOU. Do it TWICE, shame on ME!”
If you meet a guy in a club, and he INSISTS on “coming over” that night, even after you have said NO, or he ‘decides’ that he will “take you to breakfast” first thing in the morning since he can’t come over, (because he is just SOOOOO ‘head over heels’ after ONE meeting), CUT HIM LOOSE! Don’t even give him your number, and for GOD’s sake, don’t tell him where you work! (Same thing if it’s a pushy lady, fellas…)
If you like the person, and think that there may be something there, then set up a date for several days later. Maybe meet them at the coffee shop on Thursday, and then, if you think things are going well, give them your email address, and tell them that you want to take it slowly. Any person that wants a HEALTHY relationship will think that that it just fine! They won’t push for more, and if they DO, that just shows that they are selfish, thinking of themselves only, and used to getting their own way, without caring how YOU feel about ANYTHING! If that happens, you will be oh so happy that you didn’t let them come to your home, give them your number, or tell them where you work.
When they want to introduce you to their children right away, and try to put you in a ‘parental’ role with children that you’ve just met, or want to start spending taking “family” trips a week after meeting you, it’s probably because they are trying to force you into the relationship that best suits THEM, not you. When you agree to something like that too soon, then they have found their “mark”. so stand firm if it is something that you feel funny about, or uncomfortable with.
Don’t let this happen to you. Be smart, not desperate. Fall in love, not lust. Make sure that if you are looking for a long term, or forever partner in life, that you WAIT until you know that the person has ALL (or at least MOST) of the characteristics that you want in a mate.
I could go on, but I wont. I think you get the idea.
I’m not an expert, just a person who has been through a lot in my life, and hopes to help others who haven’t.
Take care all, and Happy Blogging!
Xoxo, Gramma D 🙂